In 1997, Jada Pinkett wore a crop top to the Oscars, remember? Click here for a refresher. It’s the first thing I thought of when I saw Gwyneth last night.

Jada’s was awful, totally. But at least Jada’s didn’t give her love handles.

The problem with G’s, and there’s more than one, obviously, is that the crop top is too long, and the skirt is pulled up too high, so that there’s only an inch or two if that of sheerness in between, not enough to show off how fit she is, and even, because there’s not enough room for the material to be pulled taught, suggesting some non-existent looseness around the GOOP’s middle...

Why work so hard on that body only to wear a dress that does nothing for it? The back was better than the front but overall, it was a major disappointment on a night where G was given the honour of presenting the final award of the evening.


At these events, the final presenter is usually reserved for the biggest name. You can imagine already how f-cking smug she would have been to have been asked to perform that particular duty. Of course the prompter broke at that moment and she had to tell the world that she was doing this Memory! Memorising the names of 5 shows! Only an Oscar AND Emmy winner could be capable of such a task.

You should be angry at the person who will end up being declared the Worst Dressed at the Emmys then. Because she was, indeed, much worse than Gwyneth. And if not for her, the title would have been Gwyneth’s, no doubt. She robbed you of that satisfaction.

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