Gwyneth Paltrow was with her kids, Apple and Moses, the other day while they were managing their lemonade and cookie stand. No, I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you that it was all sugar-free and organic. But, at the same time, come on, don’t you think the other parents in the Palisades would have appreciated that? It’s not like she moved into an environment where she doesn’t belong.

At one point another boy from the block ended up falling on the pavement and hurting his knee. Tears! The tears! Gwyneth got onto the ground with him, scooped the child up in her arms, and made him feel better. Those photos are not attached because I didn’t want to pay extra for them. I didn’t think you’d want to think good thoughts about her. Which I don’t understand. Even my bad thoughts about Gwyneth are good thoughts. Always. There are people in the world drinking sugar-free lemonade. Come on, find the joy.