Laura and I have been crowding my laptop for 10 minutes completely riveted watching Gwyneth debone chicken. It’s FASCINATING.

And she knows what she’s doing.

I mean it’s not the first time she’s done it. And she peels potatoes like a person who peels potatoes. Unlike me when I peel potatoes it takes 5 hours. She’s also not wearing that much makeup and talks about things like sea salt and “coming home from work” and going to the farmer’s market.


Too bad it’s chicken and potatoes. This is not my favourite meal. I don’t like chicken. But roasted chicken is apparently GOOPy’s version of “fast food”. That actually looks like a great salad.

It’s been a rough week for my G. Nobody buys magazines when she’s on the cover because you hate her. And Jennifer Garner hates her because she supposedly keeps sending Ben Affleck congratulations notes that reference their relationship.

Not sure if I buy this. It comes from Fox and the claim is that Gwyneth wrote to Ben when Seraphina was born and told him she was happy for him that he now has the family he always talked about wanting while he was in love with her.

Needless to say, Taupe is pissed.

Now I’m not defending G but this sounds preposterous. G would never write a note meangirling about romance. What she would do is meangirl about children. It would be Apple this, and Apple that, and oh what, Violet isn’t reading at a grade 10 level yet? Because Apple totally is…

THAT is my Gwyneth.


If you’re going to lie about my Gwyneth, at least know about my Gwyneth.

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