Gwyneth Paltrow guest-edited the new issue of RED. In the magazine, she defends herself against critics who were slagging her for being a working mother and neglecting to spend time with her children. I wasn’t aware that that was why she picks people’s asses. I thought she picked people’s asses because, well, you know. She’s Gwyneth Paltrow. I don’t have to tell you she’s better than you.

Still, my G has taken it upon herself to stand up for the right of the Mother’s Choice. And she doesn’t care what you think. If you don’t know her, she doesn’t care if you’re judging her. In other words, unless you’re Valentino, Stella McCartney, Cameron Diaz, the Princess of Bulgaria, Radiohead, etc etc etc, your opinion doesn’t matter to her.

“It makes me cross. I personally think that the work - life balance for a woman should be exactly what she feels is right for her. And nobody else can set her time schedule. And nobody else can tell her how many hours a week she needs to devote to this, that or the other… f-ck what anybody else says. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. That’s what we’ve got to let go of. That idea of ‘Oh god, if I don’t show up to this concert, all the other mums are going to think I’m terrible.’ Well, so f-cking what. When I’m with my kids, I give them everything I have. And when I’m not, I give whatever I’m doing everything I have. And that’s my work/life balance. I’ve made it work for me, but it doesn’t matter what my specific thing is. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It matters what you think of yourself. And what your children think. So if anyone is going to ask my advice, I’d say, do what is right for you and don’t give a s--- what anyone else thinks.”

About parenting…? Or everything else too?

My G is eating some serious heat right now over the infidelity rumours that started because of Vanity Fair’s upcoming hit-piece on her. If she hated VF before, she must loathe them even more now. The other day when she flew into LAX and the paps shot her exiting the airport, they were all over with “Hey Gwyneth did you cheat on your husband!?!?!!!!”. G was treated like LeAnn Rimes. You can imagine, for her that would be horrific.