Gwyneth Paltrow was on Howard Stern this morning. She’s promoting Mortdecai. She’s been promoting Mortdecai even though she doesn’t play Mortdecai. Johnny Depp plays Mortdecai. The movie comes out in a week and he’s basically been missing. So, you know, thanks Johnny Depp.

Anyway, Howard Stern is tight with Jennifer Aniston. They were in Mexico together for New Year’s. And Jen and G are friends now too. So while Howard is known for being provocative, it’s not like Gwyneth would have gone in there thinking it might not be a safe place. It was indeed a safe place. Howard took care of her. He told her he used to jerk off to thoughts of her mother, but it was a safe place. They talked about her first movie with Vanilla Ice. They talked about her parents’ support. She drawled, as G does. She asserts her artistic superiority, OF COURSE.

“When I was 3 years old, I could recite Chekhov.”


That’s a new high, right there. You didn’t think she could but she did. She just outdid herself. She can memorise practically an entire screenplay in a night. She can be ready for a role, no problem, no prep time. She doesn’t sweat it. Even on improv. Like with RDJ in Iron Man when he rips up his lines and creates his own dialogue and she just has to react to it. Which she does. And beautifully. We’ve heard about this before from other people. Matt Damon once said that when they worked together on Ripley, she’d come to set and steal the entire scene like it was no effort and he’d be like “F-ck you”-ing her for the rest of the day. But it’s one thing to let others describe you and another to, you know, do it for yourself.

Still…at no point do I want to check out. She’s not boring. She’s completely and totally herself. G being G might be acid in your eye but it’s also not fake. She’s just that naturally… HER. And all the adjectives associated with that.

But to understand Gwyneth… I’ve realised we must study her relationship with mother. She reveals that her mother doesn’t approve when she turns down movie roles: Titanic. It’s an interesting reaction. That her response isn’t about regret on missing out on certain parts but rather the mother-daughter dynamic. Blythe Danner’s disapproval. Living up (or down) to Blythe Danner – how has that shaped Gwyneth Paltrow?

That’s the angle no one has ever really closely examined. She was so close to her dad. She talks about it all the time. But we all know Blythe Danner’s impressive professional reputation. We all know her talent. And then there’s Gwyneth. The Gwyneth we’ve watched over almost 25 years. Can we psychologise that at the Faculty of Celebrity Studies?

Also… when she talks about “giving a BJ”.

And her feigned surprise when Howard Stern tells her women are jealous of her. “You do?”

And when she starts talking about her “best famous friends”! Cameron Diaz…

AND Jay! And Beyonce!

WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING SCREAMING RIGHT NOW? Audio is at the bottom of this post. Start at the beginning.



women in 30 minutes can get more accomplished than men in two hours…#fempire. @marieclairemag photo by #janwelters

Fotka zveřejněná uživatelem Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow),


Attached - Gwyneth in New York today for Good Morning America.