If you are a Gwyneth-hater, have you ever, ever, EVER hated her more than you hated her last night? Or this morning?

Probably not.

Your hate for her has escalated to a point you didn’t think possible, hasn’t it?

Duana texted me last night – the title: I HATE HER SO MUCH.

Didn’t even have to ask who. We just dove right into the GOOP.

Gwyneth did not walk the carpet. She skipped it. She also did not introduce Coldplay. Instead, she had the singular honour of presenting RADIOHEAD, the finest performance, the most highly anticipated performance of the evening.

That’s my girl.

Apparently she and Phil Selway are friends. So Thom Yorke not only tolerates the Paltrow, he probably likes the Paltrow…

How you them GOOPies?

It’s that smug nasal way she speaks…

The way she talks down to you…

It’s those long, lean legs. How amazing she looked, the best dress of the night, her easy waves, stylistically she captured the evening perfectly…

Get beyond your hate if you can and acknowledge it – she stuck it to us all last night. She totally did. Gwyneth Paltrow was gorgeous.

But did she stick it to her husband? With that wink at the end, clearly meant for him? “Utterly brilliant” in the presence of Coldplay, obviously the poor distant cousin?

Of course! Gwyneth Paltrow is so far up her ass, she must condescend even to her own husband!!! Not that he minded…

Chris is all about wanting to emulate Thom Yorke. Chris worships Thom Yorke. But that doesn’t matter anyway. Not to Gwyneth.

She was criticised in the New York Post last week. She’s been criticised everywhere almost every week. About GOOP, about her objectives, about her pandering, about her sudden need to be accepted by the Martha Stewart Oprah crowd, about her failure in that capacity to impress anyone but the MiniVan Majority. About how she’s become a bit of a joke.

The thing is…in Gwyneth’s world….she’s far from a joke. In HER world. Not in YOURs. But in HERs. Your world doesn’t exist for her. HER world is the only.

And in HER world, she’s invited to introduce Radiohead. She’s invited to the best events. She’s among a very short exclusive list of women gifted with brand new, six month advance Balenciaga. Paul McCartney is like an uncle. She’s friends with Madonna. She has Oprah begging to see her apple orchard gym…

In her world she is winning. And she’s won so much, and so often, that it’s time to give back.

This was my epiphany last night.

I initially thought that G with GOOP was lowering herself to the masses in an effort to reinvent herself since she can no longer keep up with Kate Winslet.

No. Wrong.

What G is doing is Mission Living.

Like Madonna, she firmly believes through Kab that she has a higher calling. That it is her God-given mandate to help me, to help you, to enlighten me, to enlighten you, to fulfill her destiny. So it doesn’t matter that you can’t stand it - she’s not answering to you. She’s answering to a higher power.

It’s about perspective, see?

She’s not trying to be one with us, she’s trying to BLESS us. Don’t you feel blessed?

Gwyneth Paltrow presents Radiohead at Grammy Awards 2009

Grammy coverage concludes…

LOVING your messages.

On to new gossip! It’s like gossip diarrhea today!

Photos from Gettyimages.com