Gwyneth Paltrow turned 39 years old yesterday. On Monday night she and husband Chris Martin had dinner with Beyonce and Jay-Z. He had dinner with her on her birthday? Was he a crusty f-ck about it?

You know, Madonna is also in New York right now. G did not spend her bday with M.

She did however wake up on her bday proper and walk her kids to school. Here she is with Apple and Moses in Manhattan. The family is staying in New York while G works on a new movie called Thanks For Sharing alongside Mark Ruffalo, Joely Richardson, and Tim Robbins. It’s a comedy about building relationships after sex addiction. Gwyneth gets to make out with Mark. Another reason to hate her?

Can we talk about how much I love Apple’s school outfit? The beautiful white blouse and her socks pulled up and a pair of denim shorts that keep it sweet without getting too precious. And a Hello Kitty purse because, well, because she is 7. Alright haters, what can you possibly find to hate about this? Don’t let me down!

Oh but Apple will be beautiful. As I’ve already said, we will be fighting about Apple Martin being beautiful. Apple Martin would be beautiful even if she wasn’t Apple Martin. The kind of beautiful prized by Karl Lagerfeld: wide-set eyes, a great nose, a natural pouty overbite, and her bone structure... the bone structure is amazing. In 10 years, when Apple Martin chooses Oxford over New York Fashion Week, Gwyneth will tell us, in that voice of hers you know that voice, that while her daughter could have revolutionised modelling, she opted for learning instead.

I have a pair of pants like Moses. They’re from Costco. SUPER comfortable.