Gwyneth Paltrow covers the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar UK. I love the styling. Particularly the skin lace gown as she contorts to find the most flattering angle of her taut body. Heavily shadowed and retouched, for sure, because from G to SJP, no one wants to actually resemble a real person anymore.

As for the interview…

Well…

Here’s what I’m taking from the interview:

I’m friends with Beyonce, so what does it matter if you hate me?

What she was trying to address of course was the amount of criticism she elicits from GOOP, how people – like so many of you – love to hate her, tear her down…

Y’all are so damn mean!

Or, more accurately, You lot are so bloody mean.

She lives in England now, ok? And we’re all losers, low classy motherf-ckers with nothing to do but slag:

"Any time you do anything with any degree of sincerity, people make fun of you. That's totally fine. I don't care. I don't read any of it. My thing with Goop has always been, if you don't like it, then don't log onto it. There were a couple of times when I thought, 'I'm just gonna stop doing it. People are so mean to me. I don't want to do it.' But then I was like, 'Who cares what some lame person out there says?' I was in Italy once, and this old man came up to me and said, 'I had the best time in Nashville because of Goop.' And that is so worth it to me." (Source)

Noblesse oblige.

And much like those of a certain birthright, my G does genuinely believe, hilariously, that she’s performing a public service. Good intentions however don’t necessarily come with self-awareness. You can mean well, and still look like an asshole, something she does very well, over and over and over again. Many privileged people like Gwyneth are incapable of self-scrutiny. For girls like G, who’ve always had it all, the first explanation for why someone didn’t like them was always – they’re jealous, they’re envious, they’ll never be pretty/rich/connected/invited. As such, the immediate learned inclination is to dismiss criticism by determining that it’s based on resentment. Gwyneth’s cluelessness is also exacerbated by the fact that she’s a celebrity. Celebrities are trained to have a thick skin. Because of rejection. Because of constant comparison. Because of a cutthroat f-cking industry and if they only hear the bad things, they wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning. Celebrities are masters of denial. It’s, like, their strongest strength.

And so in Gwyneth you have TWO layers of stalwart defence, two very profound, very impenetrable blocks that insulate her from true self-examination and insight. It’s fascinating to watch her reinforcing those steel walls, and to listen to her messages refracted through them.

Having said all that, why would she need your approval when she has Beysus’s?

"Beyonce is the most talented human being on the planet. She has so much mastery over what she does. It's not even confidence - it's on a whole other level. It's mind-blowing. I watched her (perform) a lot to see how she did it, and I was like 'sh-t! I can't do that!' In England, people are cool. They're really laid back and calm. Beyonce did the school run with me once, and everyone was fine. They also have really good anti-paparazzi rules. If you're driving in a car and they make you feel freaked out, that's against the law. They can't put you in a magazine unless they pixelate the kids' faces. I miss America, but I love living in the UK."

Click here to see more photos of Gwyneth from Harper’s Bazaar UK.