Can’t wait to liveblog the Grammys! Especially now…because Gwyneth Paltrow is confirmed to be performing with Cee-Lo! Apparently they’ll be joined by the Jim Henson Company Puppets. Sounds like Forget You is probably a good bet.

Imagine that.

My G.

On a night that celebrates the best in music. And my G actually gets to have a piece of that. She will be slapping this in your face, like, forever.

You think I sucked in Country Strong? Yeah, well I performed at the Grammys.

You don’t think I deserved my Oscar? Yeah, well I performed at the Grammys.

So…you’re yelling now, aren’t you? G is eating up the spot of a real artist! She’s, like, the Snooki of singers! While others are languishing in obscurity, sitting on musical masterpieces, G comes along with her connections and her toned calves and takes an opportunity away from someone else!

Look, I’m all for you hating on Gwyneth. But I think that it’s important for you to hate her for the proper reasons. Hating unreasonably undermines the legitimacy of your hate. And I know you want to be RIGHT about hating Gwyneth. Your hatred should be justified.

So hate her for saying Yes.

Listen, Cee-Lo is a multiple nominee. He was always going to be performing anyway. He can perform with whoever the f-ck he wants. And they are tight now. They are friends. He asked her because he wants to do something with her. As such, you should probably reserve a little hate for him too. But Cee-Lo made the request…

Where G went wrong is that she said Yes.

That’s where this becomes insufferable. In her mind she’s all like – yeah, I can totally do this, and I shouldn’t let my homey down.

What she SHOULD have said was – I’m so flattered, but this is an honour I don’t deserve, and while I don’t want to reject your invitation, I will happily be there that night, in the audience, watching and applauding you.

Please. That would never happen. Gwyneth believes in herself too much for that to happen.

Do you wonder what her husband thinks of this? I do. After all, he was a dreamer once. In a band that hoped through their struggles, and knows a little bit – at least more than her – what it’s like to force yourself to keep believing even when it seems so bleak, something Gwyneth really knows nothing about. And here comes his wife, who cut a country album, and spent, oh maybe 3 months, learning to play guitar and making organic cookies at the same time, who gets to waltz up on stage at the Grammys like it ain’t no thing, just because she’s Gwyneth Paltrow…

So how did that conversation go over at home???


Oh right.

You say that they say there’s no pettiness in marriage. Please. That dream gets killed pretty quickly in a real life marriage, never mind a celebrity marriage. There are many, many gossips who believe, who insist to me every single week that it’s all but over between those two. That her current behavior is almost like a f-ck you to him, and a reflection of how desperately sad she is about herself. Me, I can’t decide about this because it’s just not in Gwyneth’s nature to publicly admit defeat. She will hold out and pretend it’s perfect until the house is crumbling down around her. I guess it’s a matter then of how you define crumbling.

File photos from