Etalk has sent me on two or three baking shoots. And each time I’ve had to ice a cake. You’re supposed to hold the icing bag and delicately pulse it around in the shape of shells or rosebuds. I suck at it. My sh-t ends up looking like whatever it is growing on Heidi Klum’s dress which, at first, I thought was clumpy cake icing but as the night wore on and as more photos emerged, became something even more terrifying.

It looks like it’s growing. Like coral reef. Or lettuce. Gross. An Emmy dress should not be found in the produce section. And if I cared about her more I’d make her the Worst overall. Overall though, Heidi doesn’t matter that much. Also, why is Seal trying to make Colin Farrell look modest?

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