Written by Sarah

You ever see a trailer and it just makes you laugh? Not that the movie is funny, but that the trailer is SO BAD the only possible reaction is to laugh and laugh? Well that’s how I reacted to the new trailer for Tarsem Singh’s Immortals. The movie looks ludicrous. Singh is a visually arresting director but his films are often a bit shallow on the emotional side, and Immortals looks like a typical Singh film. There are some lovely visuals in the clip, particularly the sequence of everyone fighting in the air like something out of a Bosch painting, but um…well Immortals looks incredibly stupid all the same.

Where should we start? How about with Mickey Rourke’s vagina dentata helmet? Oh to be a fly on the wall in the wardrobe meeting at which Singh is shown a sketch of his head-gear. How do you sell it? “I thought, what’s the scariest thing in the world? Mickey Rourke? What’s the next-scariest thing? A vagina with teeth. Let’s combine the two!” And Tarsem Singh saw nothing wrong with that! Singh has interesting taste, to say the least, but I wouldn’t say he has NO taste, or even BAD taste. But then they released this preview and I began questioning everything.

I saw the earlier iteration of this trailer in the theater a few weeks ago and while I, and many others, were laughing outright, the teen-age fanboys were into it. Like, really into it. And you know, that makes sense. Teenage boys love Zack Snyder and Immortals looks like 300 but with more togas. And that’s what bugs me so much about what they’ve shown. I’ve never thought Singh was the best filmmaker, but he’s always been a guy you could count on to deliver a movie that didn’t look like anything else, and now he seems to be the poor man’s Zack Snyder.

Speaking of Snyder, Immortals stars Henry Cavill, who is currently filming Snyder’s Superman movie. I know there are a lot of you who like him, so please, explain it to me. Because I see him here and all I can think is: Cheese.

(Lainey: Sarah, I wonder if it’s not just Cavill but the goddamn dialogue? Also, Jesus, Luke Evan is WORSE! And hilariously…where is Kellan Lutz? There a very, very, VERY quick shot of someone who *could* be him but it’s not definitive which makes it even funnier. He’s barely involved in every movie he makes.)