Dear Gossips,

One week after Brange engagement news dominated everyone, it’s Jennifer Aniston’s turn to try and own the headlines for a day, two max. Apparently she wants to get married too? We’ll break that down later. But will they ever stop jousting?

What have I been saying about Country Bitch going to the Stanley Cup? Click here for a refresher. She’s one step closer now. And ... I just don’t see who can take them out. Nashville is a BEAST. We need to start preparing ourselves. Or move to a hockey-free territory in June.

Coachella 2 happened this weekend. Which means more assholes dressing like assholes. Check LifeStyle for pictures with more to be added later. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were at Coachella together this weekend. My favourite part about their appearance there is what happened when my friend Jen McDonnell, editor of Dose, tweeted about seeing them together. She described how they were holding hands. She also noted that Stewart was wearing red lipstick. And then came the Twi-Hard attack. Jen emailed me at 1am last night to tell me that they were yelling at her for being wrong and lying because “Kristen would never wear lipstick!” Where does all that passion come from? Along with the time? What’s lacking in my life that I’ve never felt that way about anything or anyone?

It’s not a rhetorical question; I’m totally serious. The other day at dinner with friends, we were talking about a total douchebag we all know who mega-embarrasses himself on a regular basis at work. But here’s the thing: he seems way happier than we are. I mean, I can barely stand to be alive when I have to watch him do the sh-t he does and still, the people who feel the humiliation FOR him are way more miserable than the person humiliating himself. He’s blissfully oblivious; he’s snorting and guffawing his way ignorantly through life, a super loser, sure, but unaware and content.

I wonder then if it’s the same for the Twi-Hard who yells at Jen on Twitter over Kristen Stewart’s lipstick. Jen’s the one who’s all like, what the f-ck is all this crazy, where can I hide? And the Twi-Hard, meanwhile, gets to go to bed satisfied and sanctimonious, at peace with the fact, in its own mind, that it successfully defended its beloved Bella.

Maybe that’s really the way to go.

Yours in gossip,