Dear Gossips,

“Every tart in London was getting in.”
-Princess Margaret, sister of Queen Elizabeth, on why they put an end to the Season, when debutantes would spend months presenting themselves for marriage. What do you suppose Margaret would think of Pippa Middleton?  

Please tell me you’ve watched the BBC three part documentary The Diamond Queen, featuring exclusive interviews with several members of the Royal Family including William and Harry, in honour of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. In Canada, it’s available to stream on and, as I’ve been saying, if you’re a royal whore like I am, it’s the best 2 and a half hours of television you’ll enjoy this week. This month. I PROMISE.

Some quick thoughts:

-Her Majesty was so beautiful in her youth, and Prince William looks EXACTLY like her - look at the nose and the mouth, the shape of the jaw. I love it when they refer to her as “granny”, Beatrice especially. Will and Harry stay rather formal with “my grandmother”, but Beatrice and Eugenie go back and forth between “granny” and “the Queen”. Are they taught about appropriate times for certain salutations? God the sh-t they have to remember.

-Harry’s description about what his role was on Wedding Day is adorable. Um, he could have very easily lost that ring. Also - you know those assumptions we make about Harry? About how he wishes he could stay in his jammies all day and drink beer with his hand down his pants? Probably truer than you think. He can’t help himself, even during an interview about his grandmother, and “whinges” about having to put on a dinner jacket. Then of course there’s Harry on what happens when the Queen lets you find your way and you f-ck up:

“If you get it wrong...stand by.”

I shuddered. Please. How many asskickings has he taken from her? And what would that feel like?

-Prince Andrew seems like a loser.

-That must be the weirdest thing: to have to refer to your dad as “The Duke Of Edinburgh”.

-Obviously the BBC had the Palace’s permission and, most likely, approval of the final cut of the films so, you know, a generous amount of sycophantism was expected, but this line, delivered by the journalist, made me choke the hardest: “One day we might see the first black or Asian member of the Royal Family”. As IF and come ON.

-Those of you who get hard for dinner parties and entertaining will explode at the exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of the preparations at Buckingham Palace for the dinner in honour of President Barack Obama. At 6pm, promptly, Her Majesty comes down herself to check...everything. Especially the seating plan.

-I’d never before seen photos of the Queen on The Brittania. She threw her head back - yes, THREW HER HEAD BACK - and laughed.

-This is by no means an original question but what is in that purse? Can’t other people hold her sh-t for her? It’s bizarre how she keeps setting it down all the time and then picking it back up again.

-The coronation dresses of her attendants are as exquisite as any wedding dress you’ll ever see. It’s don’t see them when there’s a Queen standing there holding up a massive crown and several scepters.

-Did you know the Royal Windsors made a reality tv show back in the day?????????????????????? Like, they stand around looking at the Christmas tree and go in to corner stores and buy candies. For real. They’ll not allow it to be broadcast anymore but f-ck me, if only someone could bootleg that, right?

-The Queen turns everyone into a simpering super fan. Kevin Spacey moaning on camera that there were no photos permitted made me so happy.

Anyway, that’s just a snapshot of what The Diamond Queen has to offer. Get on it!

Yours in gossip,