Dear Gossips,

I keep calling it the Mary Lindo. That’s the Lindo Wing at St Mary’s Hospital in London where Princess Catherine will give birth to Big G’s sibling. And where press and royal TwiHards have been gathered for days. It could be any time now. Which is why I was happy to get out of the country before it happened. Because apparently as soon as the child is born, every nutter from all over the kingdom pilgrims over to the capital to celebrate, clogging up an already busy city. My friend Omid hilariously clarified that, “Even the medium crazies will be coming”. I’ve interviewed a full crazy. Her entire house, wall to wall, was jammed with royal memorabilia. You know, like the plates with the Queen’s face on them? Then she built a separate add-on dedicated to all her Diana items.

So they’re waiting. And some people thought it would be this weekend. But if it had been this weekend, the child would have had to share the spotlight with Bruce Jenner who dominated every headline after his incredible interview with Diane Sawyer. The spare did not want to share. Already the spare knows to fight for every moment of his own. His? Yes. I’m predicting boy, called Arthur. You?

Yours in gossip,