Dear Gossips,

I’m never the kind of person who starts playing holiday music before Halloween but after yesterday, you know what we kinda need?

We need some Christmas.

You know who owns Christmas?

Come on. It’s Mimi. Always Mimi. Christmas is Mimi season. Mimi wrote one of the most famous Christmas songs of all time. Now Mimi has written a Christmas book. Wellll… OK, she didn’t write it, because it’s a picture book, but the pictures are set to the lyrics of All I Want For Christmas Is You. It’s the story of a little girl who just wants a puppy. And there she is, our Mimi, on the cover with one of her Jack Russell Terriers.

Mimi confirmed yesterday to PEOPLE that the book will be released in November. Basically she’s trying to run Santa Claus out of a job. Like a hundred years from now, the tradition for kids at Christmas won’t be to leave milk and cookies for Santa by the fireplace but champagne and caviar on a platinum serving tray for Mimi when she arrives on her diamond covered sled, powered by naked men-deer in loincloths.

Yours in gossip,