Dear Gossips,

Happy 50th Anniversary Jamaica! And what an asskicker of an anniversary gift too as, once again, you were delivered two gold medals and a crown to wear for the next four years: home to the fastest woman and man on the planet.

I love how Hollywood it is, the men’s 100 metre. I love how they each have a choreographed routine to camera when they’re introduced. I love how it happens late at night, because it’s worth waiting for. I love that the winner can take as many victory laps as he wants, knowing that the whole world understands that this is the marquee event of the Games. I love an athlete who brings it and backs it up. That’s why, for me, it will never be Ryan Lochte.

Three faces of the Olympics to make up for Saturday, Sunday, and today:

Oscar Pistorius, of course. But...have you seen him in a tuxedo?!?

Jessica Ennis because can you imagine the pressure of an entire nation and then actually delivering on Olympic Saturday night, and doing it by surging ahead on the track, a final exclamation point on her achievement.

And finally Wojdan Ali Seraj Abdulrahim Shahrkhani, the first Saudi woman to compete at the Olympics.

If the spirit was right, I’d include a shot of McKayla Maroney. Because even Jessica Seinfeld might not be able to match that...face. I thought she was going to choke the nice girl from Romania who had the temerity to beat her at vault. And did you see her reject the Russian gymnast who came up to kiss her? Click here for an awesome slow motion shot of the moment. Oh God, why could that not have been Aliya Mustafina? Mustafina would not have taken that sh-t. Mustafina would have returned it with some mega bitch face of her own.

Am finally back in Vancouver after a crazy week of travel - 7 flights in 7 days through 6 cities. It totally aged me. Also a little light-headed. Forgive me I might keep it lighter today and if that’s the case, we’ll go hard tomorrow to make it up.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Who do you think gets more ass - Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps?