Dear Gossips,

We all have airline horror stories. I was on a horrific Calgary to Toronto red-eye just last week and had to listen to a woman lecture us all over the loudspeaker about how to board the plane like civilised human beings. Flying is total stress, I totally get it. But for Alec Baldwin, sitting up in business class on an American Airlines flight from LA to NY yesterday, the stress was not being able to play Words With Friends on his phone. He’d been instructed, along with all other passengers to turn off his device. He did not comply because the plane was still at the gate, not moving. When he was asked again, a pouty Baldwin finally conceded, but then, according to other passengers, got up out of his seat to use the bathroom, slamming the door aggressively behind him. At which point the pilot was like - get this dickhead off my plane. Baldwin insists that no slamming happened, that he simply left his seat so he could take down the flight attendant’s name because she was a bitch to him. (source)

Look, I totally understand the compulsion to dump all over the flight staff because, frankly, as already noted, flying can be a miserable experience these days, and I know you want to share your story too. But in this case? I don’t see how you defend Alec Baldwin. As impossibly rude as some flight attendants can be, sometimes, sometimes, as is the case with Alec Baldwin, sometimes it’s just the passenger.

You know what makes me crazy?

The ones who take off their seatbelts and stand up and open up the overhead compartments before the plane stops moving. There is ALWAYS an asshole who stands up and opens up the overhead compartment while the plane is still moving. I once saw a duty-free bottle of Scotch hit a woman’s head because some asshole stood up to open the overhead compartment while the plane was still moving. That prick couldn’t wait 30 seconds to get his bag. Alec Baldwin couldn’t put his game away for a few hours and, instead, ended up delaying 200 people because they had to bring him back to the terminal and throw him off. It’s like the actor I blinded riddled yesterday during the liveblog who made his crew wait around while he pouted in his trailer because his tea was the wrong temperature and his hat was imaginarily bent the wrong way. Unfortunately, there are no flight attendants on movie sets to tell celebrities to suck it up and/or f-ck off.

We’re travelling today so I’ve pre-written most of the column to roll out while we’re on the road and will address any breaking news when we get to Tofino.

Yours in gossip,