Dear Gossips,

Time to talk about the Tiger. My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, was born in the Year of the Tiger. As you know, the Year of the Goat/Sheep is underway. The Goat/Sheep comes before the Monkey. And the Monkey is the Tiger’s antagonist. So while this year won’t be sh-t for the Tiger, it should be a year of preparation. If you are a Tiger then, you must save money this year because the Monkey is a bitch for you and you need to secure your foundation, protect your nest.

You may find that you have big choices to make in February and March. Try to resist rushing into your decision despite mounting pressure. You have to take your time.

There may be occasions when you find yourself involved in some disputes this year. And you may be inclined to side with someone for loyalty, because you love them, or you’re related to them. In these situations, it’s recommended that you stay neutral and be fair. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because these are exactly the kinds of actions that will help you to accumulate “fok”. This is what “fok” looks like:

“Fok” is luck. And you’ll need to store it in your luck bank, Tigers, so that when the Monkey comes around and tries to f-ck with you, you’ll be able to pull some out for relief.

The Squawking Chicken came by yesterday to drop off this year’s lucky charms. They’re in the purple pouches. Can you guess what’s inside? I’ll let you know later this week.

Yours in gossip,