Dear Gossips,

Sarah sent me this link yesterday saying “this is the craziest thing”. It’s about Jamie Dornan fans, three in particular, who spend what seems like all of their free time on social media hoping that he’ll notice them. Beyonce has a few of these too. For them though, it’s more than just devotion and attachment. It’s also…

They want to be the first to post a comment/response whenever their beloveds connect online. They want that distinction. For them, that’s the glory. Because being “first” means they’re that much closer to the target. It suggests – in their minds anyway – that the target is aware of them, has spared a thought for them. And that is what counts as a real connection now.

Well, speaking of connection...

Defamer investigated the connection – or lack of – between Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson yesterday, concluding in the end, not surprisingly, that these two don’t seem to have much chemistry. At least not when they’re promoting the movie which is due out in a week. Both are so uncomfortable just talking about making the movie, you wonder how they possibly got comfortable actually making the movie.

As you know, as I’ve said many times, I want to see the movie. I want the movie to deliver on what that sh-tty book couldn’t: make me horny. The Jamie and Dakota sales pitch, however, isn’t helping.

You think they’re playing us though? You think it’s setting up low expectations so that we’ll get in there and be turned on by surprise? This is the hope, isn’t it? That it doesn’t suck. That it brings on the rubs. That it takes you there. After all, who doesn’t want to get there?

Yours in gossip,