Dear Gossips,

There is no one as single-mindedly in love with herself as Mariah Carey, no one as committed to making every moment -- lavender or otherwise -- about herself as Mariah Carey. Oh wait. Yes, actually, there is.

Lance Armstrong.

So this is my viewing dilemma tonight without a PVR. Please Opes. I hope your servers can handle the streaming.

As for Mimi’s American Idol...

In this era of hype and over-hype, few experiences live up to expectations. The hour I spent last night with Mimi for American Idol was one of the most satisfying hours of television in a long, long time. She will never disappoint you, our Mimi. As long as you understand that Mimi’s motivation behind everything is Mimi Only, she will always deliver.

Mimi’s look of fear and revulsion any time anyone wanted to touch her is my wallpaper for life. Mimi’s impressive ability to not move her neck so as to not lose her best light or her best angle is my new source of inspiration. Mimi’s ability to turn every interaction into an opportunity to preach, pout, preen, and pander (to herself, of course) is why this season of American Idol has the potential to be the best. Because she has three other people on the panel to use as accessories, and thousands of contestants to assist in her self-glorification.   

Sasha and I, obviously, were practically weeping in exhilaration over text last night. As Sash concluded at the end of the episode, “Mariah really only has capacity to love and feel joy for herself”. It is her greatest gift. We are indebted for eternity to the American Idol producers for allowing us to watch it, weekly, for the next 3 months.

Nicki Minaj is entertaining, in the way that watching a teenager might be entertaining. But Mimi...Mimi is another level of spectacular crazy that I feel privileged to have seen.

By the way -- you know who surprised me? Keith Urban. Never been more attracted to him. Just me?

More on Mimi later. And more on Oprah’s interview with Lance Armstrong tomorrow. As a companion story to all the drama unfolding around Armstrong this week though, when you have a few minutes today, check out this fascinating article exposing the hoax allegedly perpetrated by Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o about a dead girlfriend who, it turns out, never existed. Click here. More and more, it seems, it’s no longer enough to simply be good at something, we have manufacture a mythology around our abilities. Is old-fashioned hard work and effort not sellable anymore?

Yours in gossip,