Dear Gossips,

Happy New Year!

The first major story of 2014 …was Kaley Cuoco’s New Year’s Eve wedding. Is that a sign of what’s to come? If so, we need an upgrade. Cuoco and her now-husband were juuuust fresh off Henry Cavill six months ago. They’ve only been engaged for three. And now she’s instagramming pink wedding dress shots, bringing all of it full circle.

Anne Hathaway did a hint of pink Valentino – top shelf star style. Mrs Justin Timberlake brought that down with her much more obvious bubblegum gown. And Kaley has officially taken it all the way to C List. We started on the runway with Hathaway. We ended up at the mall with Cuoco, just as Miranda Priestly described it in The Devil Wears Prada. Please let that not be the quality of the gossip this year. Please let us begin instead with some Pitt Porn at the award shows. Happily, the first column of 2014 does indeed include Brange. I’d be happy with a weekly Brange hit for the next 52.

Yours in gossip,