Dear Gossips,

The Year Of The Dragon: 1928, 1940, 1952, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012. (If your birthday is between late January and mid-February though, check your exact birthday here to see if you fell in between the lunar phases that particular year and may be a different sign.)

If you are new to the site, every year my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, has a few suggestions to offer and protection charms to give away. This year was particularly challenging as she’s been hospitalised since April but last weekend my dad took her to the Chinese place where such things can be procured. And now there are 12 of them. More on this later.

If you are of the Dragon sign, this year will not be a particularly smooth one. That’s just how the cycle works. So it means you may not want to invest aggressively. Instead, consider the conservative approach... to everything. Be extra cautious, especially in your car; avoid high risk activities, avoid confrontation, keep your head down, keep your family close, and ride it out as passively as possible. The thing about feng shui is that it’s often just as important to minimise the bad luck as it is to seek out the good luck. If you safeguard yourself when your energy is low, it will only help you when you’re on the rise, so that when it’s time, you can reach even farther. Think of it as harvesting. Settle in, conserve, don’t push, and if you play it well, in the coming years, there will be plenty of time to collect.

I always ask my ma - because she gives me my reading every year and it’s always sh-tty - how come you never tell me the good things? Her response is always - why should I tell you the good things when you won’t suffer from the good things? I’m only useful to you when I can help you and protect you. This is one of the basic tenets of proper Feng Shui.

1952 Dragons should plan a big birthday celebration - always BEFORE or ON your birthday proper and NEVER after - to invite back the lucky star on your side (I am translating this directly from my ma so, you know, the language is kinda funky).

1964 Dragons are encouraged to go back to school, improve yourself - low years are great opportunities to fortify.

1976 Dragons who are particularly bad tempered must hold themselves in check this year. Do not let your anger get out of control. In past years you may have escaped serious damage. This time, in a year where your luck is not at full throttle, the consequences could be brutal.  

1988 Dragons need to be careful not to hurt the head. As mentioned earlier, please be extra cautious this year. 1988 Dragons should also throw a big birthday party surrounded by family. They are your guards and warriors.

For all Dragons, your lucky companion sign is the Rooster. Roosters will protect you. Click here for Rooster years and attributes.

The Squawking Chicken has 12 Rooster charms, packaged in lucky red pockets, to give away to 12 Dragons. If you are a Dragon or would like to request one for a Dragon, please email [email protected] with DRAGON as the title. We’ll do a draw next week.

As for my ma, it was like a royal departure when she left the hospital yesterday. The Squawking Chicken is the funniest person I’ve ever known. Here she is with Gloria, her loving caregiver, without whom we could not have managed this year, and, um, Santa. Check her out, posing on her walker with the hospital staff like she’s Victoria Beckham. (Six months ago, she couldn’t move her legs!) And finally, the three of us, ma, Gloria, and me on the bed she called home and said goodbye to yesterday. Please note the TRICKED OUT CATS on the jacket of her track suit. She is the funniest sh-t in the world. And now you know I NEVER exaggerate about my mother.

I’m at a conference all day today and then leave straight for the airport to Salt Lake City. As such, I’ve pre-written the entire column to be rolled out through the day with contributions from Duana, Sarah, Sasha, and Hayley in LifeStyle.

These are the last days of the old year. Remember to clean and clear before Sunday night. Get rid of the Rabbit so that you can welcome the Dragon!

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,