Dear Gossips,

Does Demi Moore hit up her dentist for the laughing gas or does she have her assistant do it? A friend? Pretty sure Demi Moore’s not sneaking out in her car to pick up a paper bag full of cheap thrills that she chases with a handful of Adderall, before swallowing another handful of Xanax or Valium later on to come down.  I’m always curious about the logistical details behind a scandal. What are the actual circumstances that lead up to a breakdown? Who was the friend who called 911 when Demi started seizing...and what was the friend doing, just standing around, watching a 49 year old woman giggling to pieces on her basement floor? Or participating...?

Probably participating, right?

That’s what I’m getting at: there are people who have been enabling her; there are people who go to clubs with her and don’t tell her she looks a desperate fool when she’s standing on a table grinding her crotch up in the face of a 20 year old. Who are they and when will Bruce Willis come around, pull out his handgun, and tell them to f-ck off forever?

Yours in gossip,