Dear Gossips,

You know who I’ve neglected during the Rise Of Katie Holmes? It’s GOOP. Until this morning, I’d yet to check out the new remodelled GOOP. You like it? I have no strong feelings either way except to say it feels very Anthropologie which I’ve tried so hard to like over the years but have recently decided to stop forcing it; I’ll never get off my vintage bike and walk through the tall grass with my eyes closed and the sun on my face, you know?

Anyway, remember when Gwyneth worked with Tom Cruise in Austin Powers and said he was an awesome kisser? He does look like a good movie kisser. Or he did look like a good movie kisser. And before I thought that was by instinct. Now I wonder if his kissing technique isn’t like everything else - controlled and practiced, void of spontaneity.

But some images are so hard to shake. Watch back the scene below. You know this scene. You probably  know it very, very well. It STILL works. It has been working for almost 30 years. Xenu is hoping it keeps working. That the impact of that scene, and the ones similar to it, acts as a defence shield against everything we’ve heard about him, especially over the last couple of weeks.

All of us have celebrity attachments whether we’re aware of them or not. How well do they stand up? On one side pop culture nostalgia, fortified by movie imagery, on the other good old scandal and gossip -- I’m not sure it’s obvious which is stronger. Oh and by the way - on this point that I was making yesterday, 8th paragraph - Chris Brown’s new album just topped the charts. A man can do anything, really, no matter how heinous, as long as women out there find him sexy. Some of that has to be on us, right? At least.

I apologise in advance for breaking your heart with my next blind riddle.

Yours in gossip,