Dear Gossips,

It’s Canada Day long weekend. But Tom Cruise will not let us rest. This is the story that will dominate for weeks. Johnny Depp should send him a thank you card. And if John Travolta wants to a feel up a masseuse, now would be a good time. But if this is the end of a planned contract, it’s not an exactly a clean out, you know? Xenu doesn’t like it when it gets messy. We’re just 4 days into this sh-t and already it’s super, super messy; Tom Cruise is on his ass, Katie Holmes is being sold as pure courage, and, well, what does his ex-wife have to do with it? More, more, more on the way. And chills, chills, chills too.

Beyonce gave us some amazing Photo Assumption at the BET Awards last night. This is what happens when Kanye makes sit beside it at award shows. That’s coming up later too. And, yes, of course Iker y La Furia Roja.

Yours in gossip,