Dear Gossips,

US Weekly gave Canadians two gifts yesterday for Canada Day. We’ll get to Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch later. Let’s start with Mimi. Always Mimi. It’s 25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me, the Mimi Edition. Here are my favourites:

2. I have an extreme aversion to overhead lighting. In my opinion, elevator lighting is toxic!

No one knows more about lighting than Mimi. This is a fact.

10. I dislocated my shoulder two years ago, and it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I had to wear a glove for a while because it affected my hand as well. Thanks to physical therapy, I’m finally glove-free!

How is this a new thing? WE KNOW. EVERYONE KNOWS!!!

21. I started beauty school in the 11th grade, and a year later I was officially a beauty school dropout.

How is this a new thing? WE KNOW. EVERYONE KNOWS!!! Because she repeats it in every single interview.

15. Time is irrelevant to me. I never wear a watch.

This is why the minimum wait time for Mimi is 3 hours. It’s gotten to the point now that if you have to wait less than 3 hours for Mimi to show up at an interview, you’ve failed at your job.

Click here to read the full list. What gets me is how obvious it is that Mimi thinks of herself as a mystery. The Elusive Chanteuse, indeed.

In other Mimi news, they let her walk down the stairs on James Packer’s yacht with only ONE assistant yesterday. And look. Look what happened, you fools. She stumbled. How hard could it be to install one of those stair lift on the boat? This could be Mimi!

Yours in gossip,