Dear Gossips,

Only 48 hours to go until the Opening Ceremony directed by Danny Boyle. The dress rehearsal happened last night. They’re saying it’s first class. There’s a wealth of material to choose from. And we’ve already had confirmation that Shakespeare will be involved. The Beatles too. Maybe some Harry Potter? Can you imagine if the Boy Who Lived ends up lighting the cauldron? Even though I love Hogwarts and all that, I think it should be someone real. But not the Queen, though she’s rumoured to be involved...somehow.

What happens when a celebrated filmmaker is asked to take the lead on an event this enormous? Of course we live for the drama. Danny Boyle has been pissy with the Olympic people over camera placement. He’s also to meet with the BBC about their on-air commentary during broadcast of the spectacle as Boyle does not want some dude’s hushed-tone voice-over ruining his choreography. The network contends however that the viewers won’t understand the symbolism unless it’s explained to them. It wouldn’t be a global production if it wasn’t about ego, would it? If Boyle is such a control freak though, could he please make it so that people stop calling it the Opening Ceremonies? Opening CeremonY. Singular. It is irrational how crazy that makes me. Sorry.  

Anyway, when he’s finished screaming at the television people and the sporting executives who don’t understand about creative, maybe Boyle can next turn his attention to the London squirrels. They’ve apparently been f-cking up beach volleyball by burying their nuts in the sand at the courts at St James’s Park.

“Robsten Is Unbroken” was the #6 trending topic worldwide when I woke up this morning. Just for fun, punch that into your Twitter search right now and read some of the messages. It’ll get you through the day, I promise. But hey! Don’t lose yourself in the amusement. Come back here or you’ll miss a new riddle.

Yours in gossip,