Dear Gossips,

Exactly four weeks ago today, Katie Holmes announced she was leaving Tom Cruise. That preoccupied us all until this Wednesday when Kristen Stewart was caught, on camera, making out with Rupert Sanders, exploding the Twilight universe.

Our gossip boners have been super hard for an entire month.

If I were a celebrity with a scandal, I’d release mine today. In the shadow of the Stewart and Jackson family messes, and as the Olympic Games open in London (!!!), it’s the perfect time to mitigate the drama.

For the next two weeks, I’ll be blogging in front of the television, just so you know in future posts, if I randomly shout STICK THAT LANDING! in the middle of a sentence. There’s nothing quite like the excitement of a live international sporting event. You just can’t script it. Think of Cathy Freeman, competing at home at Sydney 2000. All that pressure. All those hopes. I can’t sink a 4 foot putt for par during a round of golf that matters to no one. She was expected to deliver for country, for history, for symbolism, and with a time limit. I honestly don’t know how they manage. Fantasising becomes a little easier during the Olympics, doesn’t it?

Am beginning to wonder if I’ll ever tire of Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. After what must be a thousand listens, or more, I’m just as happy when it comes on now as I was the first time I ever heard it. And when the song is partnered with young optimistic athletes in the prime of life, at the height of summer, at the very beginning when everyone has a chance to win, it’s totally irresistible. Also, if you love Ryan Lochte, you might not be able to stand up after.

Have a great Olympic weekend!

Yours in gossip,