Dear Gossips,

Welcome back to those of you returning from long weekend in Canada. It was a regular work day here yesterday. For up to date posts on the Tom & Katie situation, please scroll down or click here, here, and here to get caught up. It’s a fluid situation that could turn into a bullsh-t free-for-all too that, so far, seems to be totally one-sided. At this point, Tom Cruise can’t even return a serve.

I was at the grocery the other day and could not recognise anyone on the covers of the tabloids. For the next few weeks though, aliens and missionaries are replacing teen moms and bachelors. Interestingly enough, last year, exactly at this time, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced their separation. What’s the common denominator? JLo has done a muuuuuuch better job concealing her Xenu leanings. I wonder whether or not that has to do with her pragmatism or her frugality. More, always more, to come.

But please, please don’t take your eye off Johnny Depp. Why should he get to live out his mid-life crisis in the shadow of Tom Cruise’s spectacular divorce drama? 

Yours in gossip,

Lainey