Dear Gossips,

Sorry about the late start. Was bitten by something last night, probably a spider, and had a bad reaction. The good news: Antihistamines really work.

Brange also works. I like waking up to new photos of them looking badass. It’s one of the best motivators of my job. Those were the first shots I saw when I checked my phone. The second?

“Our love is unconditional.”

No, not Brange. But Bieber about Selena, posted on Instagram and then deleted. Someone finds this romantic, you know. That’s the crazy about romance. It comes in every flavour. Like Twi-Hards thought it was awesome when the vampire broke into the teenage girl’s room and creeped on her sleeping. I have a friend who’s in love with a guy who will only see her in the middle of the night. They have never been together when the sun’s up.

I call it Relationship Dysmorphia. We’ve all seen it, non? Either in ourselves or in others. The connection is total sh-t. It’s toxic and painful and sick. And still they – you – find a way to see it in only the best light, to twist every bad situation, every time it hurts, into something terrifyingly beautiful.

This is Selena Gomez’s problem: Relationship Dysmorphia. She turns 22 in July. There’s time to figure it out, sure. But sometimes 22 becomes 29 really fast.

Yours in gossip,