Dear Gossips,

I thought it was foreplay. You know, Brienne of Tarth and the Hound. Because Game Of Thrones has turned me into a sicker f-ck than I already was.

But just because it’s worth waiting for doesn’t make the waiting any less sh-tty. TEN MONTHS of waiting now. I will be a year older by the time we find out …

Well. There’s so much to find out. Like if the Khaleesi will ever actually DO anything. It was an exhilarating conclusion to season 4, yes. But it was also a waste of a season for her character. A total waste. Also, do I have to care about Stannis Baratheon? Because I don’t. I do care a lot about Cersei Lannister. Duana called her “the best character and almost the best actor” last night. Oh I know we’re supposed to hate Cersei but how can you hate a character who’s so delightfully complicated and who never disappoints dramatically?

By the way, I thought the Three Eyed Raven was Johnny Depp.

Yours in gossip,