Dear Gossips,

No idea why Shia LaBeouf would get naked in an arty music video and, like, cry over butterflies. If you missed that yesterday, please click here. As already mentioned, my chief complaint about it is that it’s so goddamn long. You know, editing is an artform too. These days everyone seems to think that longer = more creative. As for what exactly Shia’s doing - the thing with Shia, as opposed to James Franco, is that I don’t think he gives a sh-t. James Franco gives a sh-t. James Franco wants you to know how many art classes he’s taking, how many sculptures he’s making, how many short films he’s directed; James Franco’s Artist is reminding you of your UNculture every single day. Shia? Shia might be super weird but in this case, I’m not sure contrivance has anything to do with it. Rather, at 26, with all the money in the world, and all the guilt and stress arising from arriving at an existence that didn’t seem possible, Shia’s still trying to figure it out. There’s something endearing about that, non? Maybe it’s just me.

Am in Vegas for a few days to cover the NHL Awards for etalk. Today we’re supposed to be racing cars with several players. This is freaking me out. I am not built for speed. So I’ll be the one doing 60 and getting in everyone else’s way. Shooting starts at noon local time which means I’ve pre-written most of today’s column to roll out while I’m gone, back this evening to tie up anything I’ve missed. Will be posting on Twitter. Please check my Twitter for updates if you’re interested.

Yours in gossip,