Dear Gossips,

My Blackberry is my alarm clock. Every morning I reach over, turn it off, and it goes straight to the email screen. BREAKING NEWS: the worst two words to wake up to. And I always say to myself, please God, don’t let it be Brange. Because do you know how much extra work that would mean for all of us?

It was not the Brange. It was instead a teen bride. A teen bride requires no panic. Analysis? Of course, of course. More on that later.

Sarah M sent me a great link this morning to the recent commencement speech delivered by an English teacher to graduating high school students with perhaps the most important lesson they will ever learn, if they’re still capable of learning it. For some, it might be too late:

You Are Not Special.

Click here to read the full address. Amazing, right? How many parents will be trying to get him fired? You don’t think several of them went home and huffed and tutted about how inappropriate his words were...right before going upstairs to help their kids wipe their asses?

Yours in gossip,