Dear Gossips,

Tiger Woods is #1 again after winning the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill yesterday. It’s the 8th time he’s won the tournament. The comeback is complete. Winning, then, does take care of everything. Thanks Nike. Winning is the ultimate whitewash.

Oh, no, wait. Motherhood is also the ultimate whitewash. Because have you heard? Snooki is now apparently a “Feminist Mom”. (Thanks Sarah). Apparently she normalised breastfeeding or something and that’s, well, that’s enough, it’s all it takes. Men are redeemed by success and victory. Women by... feeding their children...?

I’m not saying I agree or that I disagree. All I’m asking is if this is the message.

In Victoria tonight for the first Faculty of Celebrity Studies stop with vitaminwater Canada. #rumorestimmortalis. Can’t wait to see you all there! Next: Edmonton and Winnipeg -- details are coming tomorrow!

Yours in gossip,