Dear Gossips,

Have you heard the “sad” version of Pharrell’s Happy by Woodkid? Have attached below. I’m obsessed. When I listen to it I picture Gwyneth Paltrow in her garden, picking vegetables, ruminating on life. Also, it’s the celebrity’s metaphor for, like, everything. Which is hilarious. One day some actor will mention it in a video. “You know that song Happy? Well it’s all in the interpretation. Happy can quickly be sad, just add some more piano.” That’s some deep sh-t.

A quick note on today’s schedule. My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, is doing interviews today with etalk and The Social. You can imagine what a giant f-cking pain in the ass this has been to organise. And now I have to worry about her getting to the shoot location and whether or not she’ll complain about the facilities and not wanting makeup but then wanting makeup and why haven’t we hired a translator and why aren’t more people taking pictures of her? Anyway. My point is that it might be a lighter day on the blog this afternoon because I have to babysit and manage her but we’ll return to full service tomorrow. I’m very sorry about the inconvenience. Please feel sorry for me for my inconvenience.

Yours in gossip,