Dear Gossips,

Hello from Dubai! Where the time zone still works in our favour. I’ve already played a round of golf and have started writing today’s column before anyone’s up in North America. And we are definitely hitting up Ski Dubai - inside a SHOPPING MALL - later on in the week.

So, yeah, Dubai is tripping us out. The skyscrapers look like Transformers. I keep thinking a balcony will start moving and turn into the wing of an airplane. We’re staying downtown with a view of Burj Khalifa and the Dubai Fountain. The Fountain lights up constantly, paired with music and jets of water shooting up the air in crazy ass shapes and thousands upon thousands of people crowd around the lake to watch. And it’s not like the Bellagio where you see it once and keep moving down the Strip. No. Because The Fountain has, like, 25 different routines. The Fountain is a figure skater. So the people, they stay there all night to see each and every one. The Burj Khalifa and the Fountain Figure Skater and its 25 routines pretty much symbolise this place - more, more, big, more, more, big, more. Everything. We felt poor arriving at the golf course in a taxi today when everyone else was being driven around by a driver or driving Aston Martins and Bentleys. Lindsay Lohan could totally hustle her ass over here for really great tips. As of this writing, she’d turned herself in to jail. By the end of this paragraph, she’ll probably be released.

But we are in the heart of November. And every weekend now there’s a lot of sh-t going on as we approach the holiday movie season and award season. So Lindsay Lohan? She doesn’t make the blog today. Especially not when it’s so full of people who actually (still) matter.

Duana’s recapping Vampire Diaries and reviewing Mindy Kaling. Sarah has The Walking Dead and celebrities who, apparently, aren’t worth it. And Sasha’s commenting on your boy and friend drama over in LifeStyle. Also in LifeStyle, Natalie Portman’s heinous mother style and I need a cow print. Check back often!

Yours in gossip,