Dear Gossips,

We have all day to talk about Demi leaving Ashton. And that’s exactly how she intended it to be. She wants them to discuss it on morning television. She wants them to be all over it on The View. And she wants them all to be on her side. But already there are theories - open marriage, he’s gay, she’s a lesbian, she’s a junkie...we’ll get into all of it eventually, including how long it’s going to take before Ashley Greene throws herself at the new single Kutcher. Ash & Ash! Can you imagine?

Please let the Hollywood Foreign Press Association somehow - and you know they can, because last year, remember, they nominated THE TOURIST for f-ck’s sake - find a way to nominate Ashton Kutcher for a Golden Globe. Because Ricky Gervais, he would go there. Ricky Gervais would show him how to spell. And then tell him in front of an audience of millions that he’s a goddamn fraud.

Thank you for all your emails about Bennifer and the Gossip Nostalgia this week. It’s just... I mean... Casper Smart...

God, I hate it so much when she slums.  

Some of you keep suggesting Ashton Kutcher for Jennifer Lopez. Could we ever, EVER be so lucky in Gossip?

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,