Dear Gossips,

New cover of PEOPLE Magazine, have you seen it? Tom Cruise’s life alone, and how much he misses daughter Suri...even though he hasn’t seen her in nearly two months. It’s a reactionary move considering where we were last week -- in London, several nights in a row, Tom out late, as tabloid after tabloid and blog after blog noted, loudly, that it’d been weeks since he’d spent any time with his youngest child who, as we know, lives with Courage Mother Katie Holmes; they’re regularly seen together at the park and engaging in other fun mom and tot New York activities. It’s been 3 months since she left him, and Katie is still kicking Tom’s ass.

So now Team Tom is working with PEOPLE to appeal to the MiniVan Majority. It’s only because he has a JOB, and he’s WORKING, that he hasn’t had a chance to visit his kid; he’s a RESPONSIBLE man, with PROFESSIONAL obligations, and besides, he made those COMMITMENTS well before he and Katie broke up. It’s only right that he’d HONOUR his promises. Of course he misses Suri, but they talk all the time. Because, you know, that’s what the magazine’s sources, and his personal friends and business associates are telling us. According to screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects, Valkyrie, Jack Reacher, The Wolverine, Top Gun 2), "I can tell you that I haven't had a meeting with Tom that was not interrupted by a phone call with his daughter". Sure. Now was that an order or a favour?

But it could all be fixed with an airplane, non? Put the child on a plane, she sees her daddy for a few days, everything is fine. Interestingly, the PEOPLE article does gloss over details of a planned visit earlier this month that was scrapped. Katie can’t lose right now, see? Because you can’t argue with mom’s reasoning -- Suri’s just starting this new schedule at a new non-Scientology school and let’s not disrupt the fragile structure we’ve created for her so far, ok? In other words, she’s f-cking him on every corner, every time he tries to make a play. So that now all he can do, the man who once was Hollywood’s most powerful star, is call up PEOPLE and beg for a puff piece. Fine. Here’s your puff piece, Tom Cruise.

Yours in gossip,