Jake Gyllenhaal: Juice Monkey does SNL

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2007 12:00:00 January 15, 2007 12:00:00
If you haven’t seen his opening monologue from Saturday Night Live, click here for the flaming clip - deliciously funny and brave too, considering the widespread Maybe Gaybe speculation based solely on Ted Casablanca’s Toothy Tile hints. Said it before and I’ll say it again – I don’t think Jake is a ‘Mo, and while I’m not about to question Ted’s gossip mastery (he is, after all, a legend), I’ve never heard anything that would remotely suggest otherwise. Furthermore, given the eager tendency to point the Gay Finger at anyone even approaching Fem and recent reports that Toothy’s team is hellbent on keeping his homo inside a hetero box, his willingness to take on the Brokeback believers in such a campy forum, acknowledging his growing gay fanbase, suggests a rather nonchalant attitude to the rumours, all the more reason for the naïve deniers (me included) to refute what has become an almost forgone conclusion – though I suppose sharing clothes with his male friends isn’t exactly helping the cause. But enough homo hunting for now. Can we instead focus on his alarming beefcake? Are you down with the Over-Juice? Maybe it’s just me…maybe the ‘Roid Monkey look explodes your loins, maybe I’m in the minority for likin’ ‘em long and lanky without popping muscles underneath an odd looking PinHead but when it comes to my List, when it comes to Fantasy Candidate consideration, in spite of how likeable he really is, THIS is what keeps Jakey G off the Freebie Five. Source

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