Both People and Us Weekly reported late yesterday that Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are over, that it ended before Christmas. In other words, he pulled a cut and run. Which makes it worse than a publicity stunt.

Jakey cut and ran because he was put off by the attention, by how quickly we/they encroached, by how much heat his hookup with Swifty suddenly attracted. So. He bailed. Because he was embarrassed. Because he has no balls. Because he’s totally Blaine from Pretty in Pink (second reference of the day, huzzah!) and all the gossips in the world represent James Spader and that, my friends, will be the title of Taylor Swift’s song for Jake: What About Prom?!

I called you three times and left messages.
I waited for you in the parking lot.
What about prom, Blaine.
No, what about prom.
What. About. PROM!!!
I wanna hear you say it.
You’re ashamed to be seen with me!

You know, Jake has never been on my Freebie Five. I always, always put it off, no matter how hot, even after that cute as f-ck Russian video. Maybe quiver can smell weakness subconsciously.