I wrote about Jake Gyllenhaal’s height investigation on Starlee Kine’s Mystery Show back in June. Click here for a refresher. He was soooo f-cking cute on that phone call. It was the giggling, it was playfulness, it was practically phone sex in my mind. The charm, as I described it then, was volcanic.

Anyway, Starlee was on Conan last night and talked about the “case”. About how it was a thing online even before she started looking into it. About how even after Jake confirmed it no one believed him. And then, well, Jake came out and got measured. I wish it was as sexy as that sounds. Not to say it wasn’t sexy. But, really, probably more cute than sexy. By the way, he’s taller in the morning than in the afternoon. Sorry. F-ck I’m so lame and dirty.

In other Jake news, they’re re-releasing Southpaw this weekend. As you know, Harvey Weinstein will be pushing for an Oscar nomination for Jake’s performance. This is part of that strategy. I don’t know how it’s going to hold up against Will Smith, Eddie Redmayne, Michael Fassbender, Johnny Depp, and Leonardo DiCaprio though.