A couple of days ago, Woman's Day Australia reported that Mimi was dumped by billionaire James Packer. Woman’s Day isn’t exactly slam dunk with its gossip. Two weeks ago they said it was over between Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Last week they claimed that Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky were done. It’s kinda like throwing everything at the wall and hoping one thing sticks. When Mimi showed up at her Halloween party without James, they decided on a new target to aim for, and fired up some lazy reasons about a breakup – Mimi spends too much money, Mimi is too much of a diva, Mimi is too much in the spotlight, with her Mimi-ness and her reality show. OK but who goes into a relationship with Mariah Carey hoping for frugality and modesty????????

Mimi was always going to be a trophy for James Packer. And it’s impossible to believe that he proposed to her thinking he’d not have to spend that much money keeping her happy. There are basically only two things that keep her happy – CASH and THINNESS. 

Anyway, it turns out Woman’s Day managed to hit the mark blindfolded. What really gave it away for me though was the announcement, also two days ago, that Mimi is coming to Toronto next week to unveil the HBC and Saks holiday windows. I mean, they must have a MONSTER budget. Because, given the latest developments, Mimi’s looking for new sources of revenue. (Please, let’s not talk about whether or not Sasha and I will be able to get to the event. We’ve been emailing back and forth about it for 48 hours and… we have some scheduling challenges and if I pause to consider the reality of this my heart will break into sequined pieces and I just can’t, I can’t.)

Yesterday, TMZ reported that Mimi and James broke up, not over her extravagance, but because she may have been dealing with a dancer from her Vegas show. TMZ followed that post with another shortly after with more details – that they haven’t seen each other in over a month, ever since they were in Greece together in September and some drama went down on a yacht (doesn’t it always?), “something really bad” related to Mimi’s assistant, and Mimi took off. Then her publicist released a statement to Entertainment Tonight confirming that Mimi and James are indeed having problems but that they could get back together. The statement is one of my favourite celebrity split statements of all time – for its specificity and for the embedded eye roll:

"Mariah and James had a fight in Greece, and have not seen each other since. The fight was not because of any cheating allegations or excessive spending by Mariah. James is one of the most successful businessmen in the world. They are trying to work it out. Right now, they’re not sure if they will stay together. They are discussing it, and plan to release an official statement together about their future.”

This is the sentence that kills me: “James is one of the most successful businessmen in the world.” Right. What she’s trying to say here is that he’s obscenely wealthy. The point? It doesn’t matter how much of his money he spends because he has SO MUCH OF IT, he wouldn’t notice! Which means, in her mind, the very idea that he would object to how she uses it is absurd!

God, I love her so much. I love her so f-cking much.

More to come.