Tabloids Wars: United vs the Holy Twins

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 6, 2008 08:16:00 August 6, 2008 08:16:00

And the tit for tat continues. It’s like she can’t help herself, you know? A tv girl’s futile efforts to make it in the movies, an ex wife’s futile efforts to compete with the man who moved on, his goddess of a partner, and their chosen children…

Jennifer Aniston’s impossible missions.

Still, her effort is admirable.

As you know, People’s cover with the Holy Jolie Twins will likely dominate its competitors at the newsstand this week. The others however will not go down without a fight, especially since they’ve been able to form such an intriguing alliance.

How do you compete with babies?

With a wedding, of course! And more babies too!

Star Magazine is churning out its usual sh*t. Something about it being her turn to conceive. Next.

Remember, OK! Magazine was deep in the hunt with People and narrowly missed out on the opportunity to premiere Knoxy and Vivs. This is the new issue of OK! and, well, the cover says it all.

Jen is marrying John Mayer. In a garden. Wearing Vera Wang. And a honeymoon in Greece to connect with her roots. Apparently the magazine’s details are rather specific, suggesting perhaps that their inside source is VERY much inside. As in Stephen Huvane.

It’s a risky move, but one that could pay dividends.

Risky because this might actually scare the balls off John Mayer who hasn’t, in the past, demonstrated a fondness for commitment.

But can you imagine? The kind of ego boosting tit swell that would result if Jennifer Aniston IS actually the one to tame a pissing bachelor douchebag?

Bold, non?

And surprise! Just for some added emphasis, Jen tried to create her very own “Diana” moment yesterday as she visited a friend in the Hills where she drew angry red x’s in marker all over the pages of People magazine.

The day Prince Charles went on national television to confess to cheating on his wife, Diana stepped out in a black little number and blew him off the podium.

As you can see, Jen put on a very clingy dress over her very fit body and propped her very toned ass on the table as an answer to the Twins. But she is not a Princess. See what I mean about her impossible missions?

Photos from and

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