It’s no longer a triangle – it’s a f-cking four point square! A cage match!

John Mayer confirmed to Pop Sugar that he’ll be attending the Oscars for the first time as a boyfriend. And he’s not dating Anne Hathaway.

Needless to say, Aniston is indeed presenting. And, insecure as she is, being that she cannot possibly face the Brange alone, she’s convinced John Mayer to go with her. Ever the famewhore, not one to step away from a press friendly moment, John OF COURSE said yes…

You know what this means?

It means the Brange will be turning on the Pitt Porn! They’ll take it to a new level! And Jen will try to answer back with her limp dick in return.

Can you fight Pitt Porn with a limp dick? Can you battle a samurai sword with a sausage?

Oh the poor underdog. Who do you root for?

Sunday. The Oscars. I’ll be watching from the balcony. Wonder if John Mayer can pee upwards…

File photos from