I am predisposed to not like this material. I don’t like taffeta. Ever. Taffeta often comes in offensive colours. Always loud. Always really mall prom. It doesn’t scream style to me. It certainly isn’t fresh. And on Jennifer Hudson, with her new Weight Watchers body that gets shoved down our throats all the time, I feel like it was a total disservice. After all, Jennifer Hudson isn’t Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt would have chosen this dress. Jennifer Hudson shouldn’t have to. You see the difference there? Or are you too fixated on her breasts?

When they’re jammed up like this, two half moons held together by slings, I don’t care if it’s Cate Blanchett, it’s never not a little porny. You know when stripper girls get photographed taking a shower and they always play with their breasts and smush them together because that’s what men think we do when we clean ourselves? This was the first visual in my mind when Hudson arrived on the carpet. The second visual was a motorboat. Now you may think I’m perverted, but I prefer to think that I’m being invited there.

Photos from Wenn.com and Kevin Winter/Jason Merritt/John Shearer/Gettyimages.com