E! News was the first to report yesterday that Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are done. They simply confirmed the breakup, without citing a reason. You’ll recall, E! News was also the first to report that the two were dating. It happened on August 15. It was a Friday. I remember because my cousin Cat had come over after work to help me with my potstickers. Jacek and I had a potstickers vs pierogies/China vs Poland party that night to celebrate our friend Amy’s birthday. See? I can remember what happened on a Friday over two months ago, ADNAN! (This is a reference to Serial, because right now, life is only Serial.)

Shortly after E!’s report on the split, PEOPLE and every other outlet followed with corroboration of their own. PEOPLE however specified that it was Lawrence who did the leaving, though they gave no reason for why. I mean, two weeks ago, they were planning for the holidays together.

Naturally, people are speculating that the “why” is because Gwyneth was caressing Chris’s face last week. Click here for a refresher. Does that mean that Gwyneth can jump up and down during dance class yelling “I win, I win again!”?

I love it when Gwyneth wins. But in this case, I’m wondering if it’s because Jennifer Lawrence realised, and rather quickly, that she was BORED. Because he’s BORING. And if you’re 24 and basically in charge of Hollywood, why would you want to waste time with that, GOD!

So, now that he’s out of the way, can we get back to Gossip Genie-ing Jennifer Lawrence with…