As illustrated in these attached photos from JJB, Jennifer Lopez is clearly not pregnant, unless ass deliveries have become the new breakthrough in celebrity birthing technique. Damn that booty is something else. And what I would give to rub my cheek against it before settling in for a mac truck nap, the kind where you wake up all disoriented and clammy. So here’s the thing. We all know she married off the ugly chart. From a purely aesthetical perspective, it’s a f&cking crime to know that each and every night, a great international beauty is being ravaged by the rotting face of a terrifying beast. But at the end of the day, I’m a total sucker for happiness. Heath and Michelle come to mind. As do Ben and Jen, Brad and Angie, even Jen and Vince. It may be well crafted and it may be an illusion but I’ll eat it if it’s good. And I’ll even enjoy it if it’s halfway convincing. Which is why I’m beginning to appreciate what Marc Anthony has brought to JLo’s life. She"s maybe a little controlled and just a tad submissive but she"s getting more appealing every day. Now before you start foaming at the mouth and accusing me of getting soft, let me also say for the record that every time I approve of a couple after not approving of them to begin with, they promptly break up in spectacular fashion. The same thing happened with Bennifer 1 and while the Vampire has lasted much longer than his predecessors, I think we can all agree that an expiration date wouldn’t be completely out of the question. Besides, the child issue continues to loom large.