Jennifer Lopez: Mission Accomplished

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2007 12:00:00 January 29, 2007 12:00:00
See? For months and months I’ve been writing the warning, in the face of premature pronouncements that the Gay Midget Dwarf was over – clearly, he is not over. Not over, not dead, not beaten, definitely not weaker, and definitely not going away. No gossips. The GMD is not only none of those things, he is actually getting stronger and slowly and methodically building an empire – with Little Sci in place as the heir, now represented publicly by his MiniVan-courting wife, flanked and protected by his very own celebrity army, Tom Cruise in his 40s is strategically redefining Cult Mogul, and he has just confirmed Hollywood’s finest ass and one of the most famous women in the world into the scientological fold: Jennifer Lopez – the Church runs in the family. As announced this weekend in an interview with NBC, JLo revealed that her father has been worshipping Xenu for 20 years – the first time she’s ever let that little tidbit slip out. After so much time in the public eye, after so many exposing moments, after all we already know about Jennifer Lopez, she chose to drop this on us NOW, now that she’s spent the better part of a year hangin’ out with Leah Remini’s domineering finger and befriending the GMD’s RoboBride and, in the process, becoming one herself. Coincidence or conspiracy? By pimping Scientology with so many beloved faces, is the Church itself getting a new face? Aren’t Tom Cruise’s puppeteers so awfully clever? Everyone has a price, you know. After all, it’s not unheard of to reach for spiritualism (no matter what form it takes) in times of adversity, when a particular obstacle cannot be hurdled with money and success, when desperation inspires resourcefulness…Doctor Faustus had Lucifer via Mephistophilis, Jennifer Lopez apparently has L. Ron Hubbard via Tom Cruise. A soul in exchange for a baby? Is this her deal with the devil? A little melodramatic perhaps but for her sake, I hope her fate is decidedly less damned. As for the Beckhams being next on the list – perhaps a long term plan but definitely not the top priority. That honour belongs to the Smiths. Because now that the Caucasian contingent is well covered, the Church needs to court the Diversity card. Scientology will have a Multi-Cultural Face. Trust. Source

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