Is it me or was it hilariously, awesomely cold the way American Idol confirmed Mariah Carey in Jennifer Lopez’s face yesterday? There was a big ass deal made of the fact that JLo would not be returning. Or, in hindsight, we now realise, JLo made a big ass deal of JLo not returning. Because it turns out, as soon as they ripped up her paperwork, or maybe even BEFORE they even ripped up JLo’s paperwork, they were on the line with Mimi, throwing money at her to replace JLo’s chair with a throne (that comes with wheels and a butler).

American Idol wasted no time closing JLo’s door. And there she was, trying to sell it like they wanted her back so bad. Sure, so bad they’re paying her successor 30% more money, and that doesn’t include bonuses!

Oh here we go with the fangirls...

JLo doesn’t care! She’s not petty like that! She had so much to move on to!


Come now.

Is that who you think they are?

Do you think Jennifer Lopez would be able to let this go? (See below)

That is a finger to the face takedown, my friends. And believe me, JLo cares. She especially cares that last night she was supposed to be celebrating her birthday (she turns 43 today) and instead everyone was screaming about Mimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii on Idol.

But then again, she has her slum lover for the consolation prize. There he is, all underwhelming and inadequate, and apparently he was at an “adult toy” shoppe earlier in the day, preparing something for her birthday. Click here to see pictures of Casper, I dunno, getting into character as Christian Grey or something.

In two years she’ll be looking back at these, dry heaving, and a couple of million dollars poorer, paying alimony. God you’d think by now she’d know better.