Mound Watch

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 4, 2007 00:00:00 October 4, 2007 00:00:00

Can’t stand Bump Watch. But then she had to go and deny it. Blatantly. And make a fool out of Janice Min. No one makes a fool out of Janice Min.

You will recall that last week, amid frenzied reports that she is pregnant, even though, as I’ve been saying, her hair stylist has been telling the free world, and you know the gays are never wrong in this respect, Jennifer Lopez still denied it to Us Weekly. And they went and blasted it on on their website.

See but here’s the thing: we all know JLo. And there is only one reason why JLo wouldn’t be showing off a set of toned abs on stage for her joint world tour with Marc Anthony:

A Scientological success planted in her uterus.

Is it Church custom to lie about babies? But enough about the chills. You heard about that dude – a nemesis of the GMD – who was mysteriously found dead, right? As such… Tom Cruise is so straight, you can’t get any straighter than Tom Cruise. Praise Xenu, ah-Thetan.

Here’s Jen on stage the other night showing off more than just a bump. That, my friends, is a Pitcher’s Mound.


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